Strange and Beautiful ::Song by Aqualung::
by Raei
Summary: -I've been watching your world from afar, I've been trying to be where you are, And I've been secretly falling apart, You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see, You turn every head but you don't see me.- (Aqualung lyrics)(Remus-Sirius, Complete)
1. His Love :: Remus Lupin's POV

Disclaimer: The characters, setting, blah - belong to the respecitve author: J.K.Rowling. All I own is the words I've written.

Warnings: This is a slash story between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, of Harry Potter. If you do not like male/male relationships, click on out of here. -smiles- Otherwise, please! Read and reveiw the story.

Other Interesting Bits: This is just a story with 2 chapters, sort of a way to blow off a bit of steam, you know? This was also inspired by the song 'Strange and Beautiful, by Aqualung'. Anyway, there won't be any followup's after Chapter 2, so don't bother to ask. -smiles-

**Chapter 1: Written from Remus Lupin's POV.**

* * *

First year was special. That was the year I met them. My friends. Can you believe that? I've finally got friends. Thought I doubt that they knew at that time of my affliction, they didn't seem to care either. They never asked where I got all those scars; they never asked why my family needed to see me once a night, for every month of the year. They never asked why I always came back to school with cuts and scrapes – and why I was in the care of Madam Pomfrey.

Second year was different. That year was the year they began to notice the girls. That was the year James got his first crush - a beautiful girl named Lily. She was a sort-of friend of mine, but not really in the sense that I was a boy – and she still believed that she could rule the world alone and by herself. She was fiercely independent. That was also the year they nearly found out about my Lycanthropy.

Third year came in a flash; buzzing by like the bees as they sought out nectar for their Queen. He tried to court her – that beautiful redhead. But to no avail, as she was still as independent as ever, and had decided that he wasn't worth her time. But he didn't give up; he knew there was something different about her that he just had to know about. That was the year I noticed Sirius the way he noticed Miss. Kaitlyn Hobbes of Ravenclaw.

Fourth year was spent in a daze of Potions, Transfigurations, homework, and pranks. I've lost count of the amount of pranks we've pulled – as well as the amount of times we've all served detention together as a result of being caught. Fourth year brought so many new possibilities, like the first spring rain that washes over the dead, frozen ground to help nourish the sleeping plants. They found out about my Lycanthropy that year, they didn't care, infact – they wanted to help me with it. This sounds foolish doesn't it? They wanted to help a werewolf. And furthermore, they wanted to be with me with every passing blue moon. Then again, isn't that what friends are for? Then it happened... this was the year he got his first girlfriend, his first kiss. This was the year I started to become jealous of fellow Gryffindor Miss. Lorelei Moore.

Fifth year was the year the self-named Marauders came up with the idea of the map. We spent every waking moment on this map, every thought revolved around how to find the secret passageways – or if they even existed. We made the map together. This was the year our friendships with eachother strengthened into something such as a brotherhood. James still courted Lily, but to no avail. Though he never gave up. As he was convinced that he would have her as his own soon enough, and that they would love eachother as couples do. He would recite poetry to her; send her chocolates and flowers – and she sent all of the gifts back to him. But when he wasn't looking, she would flash him secret smiles, and her cheeks would flush a beautiful shade of pink when he caught her. Peter had found someone to be with this year, he had finally asked her to go with him to the Halloween dance – and she accepted. Sirius had moved on from Lorelei to Janessa, and from Janessa to Abigail, only to set his sites on a sweet Irish girl named Bernadette. All the while, I sat back and watched as my friends became experienced in the ways of love and wooing a partner, and I did not. I sat in the chair and mourned the fact that my newfound love would never be returned.

Sixth year came and went, holding no new opportunities for me. This was the year they became illegal Animagi. James was a stag, Peter – a rat, and Sirius, beautiful, promiscuous Sirius, was a dog. I secretly fell to pieces over and over again when I watched him kiss his lovers. I wished so desperately for him to notice me the way I noticed him. But how was that possible? He would never kiss me the way he kissed them, he would never see me the way I saw him. This was the year he regaled us all of his life between the covers – bringing the tally up to 8 girls this year alone. Sirius never stayed with one girl for long, as he would always see another that perked his interests, leaving the current girl in heartache as he moved on – leaving me to comfort her flowing tears.

Then seventh year came. Seventh year was the year that changed my life – the year that taught me that nothing could help you deal with rejection and lost memories without crying. Seventh year was also the year my friends discovered the wonders of firewhiskey. And, stupidly, I would stay up every night, waiting for them – Sirius and James. I felt as if I was a worried parent, forever waiting for my disobedient children to come home. Every night, I would sit on the couch infront of the crackling fire, holding a book – pretending to read.

"Why'd you do that?"

"I didn't do a damn thing... you're the one who did it."

Sirius laughed as he draped an arm around James' shoulder. "How about we settle for the both of us doing it."

"That works, but what did we do?"

"To hell if I know..." Sirius burped and snickered. "Whoo... sorry about that."

"No worries Pads – it's fine as long as you don't blow it at me because your breath smells like death you sodding beast."

The two burst into a bought of laughter, only then noticing that I was waiting up for them.

"Oh hello, Moony! Why didn't you go to sleep?" Sirius stumbled towards me, a slurred smile on his lips. He was clearly very drunk.

"I wasn't tired." I lied to him and smiled, he didn't notice as I looked back at my book. He never noticed.

James giggled slightly before turning pale. "I'm going to be sick..." He then turned and ran up the stairs, running as fast as his numb legs would carry him.

Sirius smiled and sat down next to me, slouching beside me as he rest his head on my shoulder. "Not tired? You've been up since the crack of dawn... how can you not be tired?"

"I havn't a reason... I'm just not tired, that's all." I felt my heart begin to pound as he snuggled closer towards me, obviously trying to find heat to warm his body... right?

"...Oh." Sirius smiled sleepily and yawned before sitting up to face me. His face turned from a smile to a frown as he looked at me. "Moony?"

I looked up from my book and towards him. "Yes, Sirius?"

Sirius made a face when I called him by his name – as I refused to call him 'Padfoot'. It didn't fit him - it wasn't proper. It was so... informal. "Have you ever kissed anyone?"

I looked into his eyes for a moment longer before shifting my sight back to my book. "No."

"Why not? You should have at least had sex by now."

I sighed as I flipped the page of my text. "Sirius you're drunk... go to bed."

He grabbed my book and tore it out of my hands, throwing it to the floor. "No."

I rolled my eyes and bent to grab the fallen book. "Sirius-"

Sirius grabbed my hands and forced me to look at him. "Padfoot – why don't you ever call me Padfoot?"

I looked into his grayish-blue eyes and for the first time in my life – I was scared to be alone with him. "Because it's not who you are."

"Yes it is. I became Padfoot for you."

"I'll always know you as Sirius. You'll never be Padfoot for me." I managed a weak smile as I tired to pull my hands away.

"Why havn't you kissed anyone?"

I stopped and looked at him, and my heart skipped a beat. "Because the person I want to kiss doesn't want to kiss me back."

"Why not?"

"B-because they just don't." Sirius tightened his grip on my wrists and frowned at me.

"Why don't you just do it then? Take a chance! Who cares about what she does in response."

"I care..." I looked down at the hands holding my wrists. "I don't want my first kiss to mean nothing."

Sirius let go of one of my hands and placed his hand to my chilled cheek. "Who is she? The one you want to kiss?"

I could smell the whiskey on his breath and forced myself to place a hand to his, and take it away from my cheek. I looked into his eyes for a moment longer before standing up and picking up my text. He didn't let go of my wrist when I moved. He instead stood infront of me, still holding onto me. I secretly delighted at the touch – but knew at the same time that nothing would ever come of it.

"Who is she?"

"Its..." I felt my heart flutter and my stomach drop to somewhere near my knees as I thought about the answer. "Its..."

"Uh-huh?"

I looked up, straight into his hazy eyes and felt my stomach lurch as I spoke – being pulled back to its rightful place at an amazingly nauseating speed. "It's you."

He laughed.

I was crushed, I felt like I wanted to cry and curl up into my respective cocoon and die.

He stopped laughing when he noticed the look on my face. He noticed how mortified I looked, and how cheated I felt.

"Remus..." He hadn't used my first name in years, and I felt myself close my eyes and slowly drift towards him. "You're serious?"

I opened my eyes and snapped back to reality. I couldn't will myself to speak, so instead, I only managed to nod my head once.

"I didn't know you were gay."

I felt the grip in my wrist loosen only a little as he moved forward slightly, and I hoped – unaware of his actions. "Yes... well..."

"You really want to kiss me?"

"I... yes." I looked down and reached towards the hand that was still clasping my wrist. I curled my fingers around his and pried his hand off of my wrist.

Much to my own surprise and amazement, he placed his other hand to my cheek. The warmness radiating from his body caused my nerves to fire all at once, heightening any touch against my skin. I was completely aware of the fit of my clothes, the rate of my in and outtake of breath, of my violently beating heart.

"S-Sirius... don't..." My plea came out as a whisper.

"I thought this is what you wanted?"

"Not... not when you're drunk..." I nearly whined as I spoke, a low whimpering sound following my faltered voice.

"I'm not drunk." His breath fell against my lips.

I quivered under his touch as his other hand came around the small of my back, bringing my body flush against his own. I whispered against his lips – part of me wanting this, the other part – the part I knew to be right, knowing that it was wrong because he wasn't aware of his actions. "Sirius... no, don't... I don't want it to happen this wa-"

In an instant, a pair of lips cut off my request. My eyes went wide as he kissed me. To spite my previous allegations, I kissed him back. He broke the kiss and smiled as he lent back, looking at my shocked face. I felt my skin begin to tingle as he smiled, and my breath started to come in gasps. He grinned wider as he lent forward again, claiming my lips once more as his.

He pulled me close to his body, and, without warning, his hand snaked around to hold my neck – and his tongue snaked out of his mouth and into mine. He tasted like whiskey and sweets as he gently pressed his tongue to mine. And in a clouded moment of complete insanity it seems; I pressed my tongue back against his. I hadn't ever kissed like this before; I hadn't even been this close to a person in my entire life. Was it right that I closed my eyes and kissed him back? Was it right that I was enjoying the feeling of his tongue against mine? Was it right that the next thing I did was to raise my arm and run my fingers through his hair, pulling him into a deeper kiss? Whatever was right and wrong seemed to escape me – filtering through my fingertips like tiny, shimmering grains of sand - soon being lost forever as I lifted my other arm and wrapped it around his neck.

He ended the deep kiss and placed one last gentle kiss on my lips before wrapping both his arms around my waist - carrying me towards the couch. I must have completely lost sight of everything that mattered, and how I shouldn't have been doing this as I felt his unfamiliar weight settle on top of my body, and his lips close over mine again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shift my hips slightly, grinding them unintentionally against Sirius'. He laughed into my mouth before letting the hand that had traveled into my hair to change course and travel down my neck and catch the buttons of my shirt. He quickly undid the buttons and let his hot mouth travel down my cheek and towards my neck, hastily licking and nipping at the sensitive skin. He ducked his head and kissed my collarbone as he pulled my shirt out of my pants. Running his Quidditch calloused hand up my abdomen, over the shaped muscles of my body while he grinned.

"Oh Remus..." He voice was low and in the form of a whisper as he kissed me, and I hungrily pulled his body closer to mine, lifting my leg out from underneath him and again moving my hips against him, desperately trying to free my forming erection.

My mind clouded over as I felt my cheeks flush with his kisses, as I felt his hand ghost over my chest, and stomach – tickling my skin in the most wonderful way, causing goosebumps to cover the exposed flesh of my body. His lips found mine again as he worked the belt of my pants, sliding both my pants and boxers down. I gasped when the heat from his hand fell from his skin to my groin – producing effects that I didn't know I was capable of feeling.

"Sirius.... God... Sirius what are we doing...?" His lips crashed down on mine again, halting any reasonable thought trains that may have been chugging sluggishly through my mind.

"Shh..." He kissed my neck again, and wrapped his hand around my now almost fully hard cock and squeezed, gaining a gasp from me.

I let my head fall to the side as he kissed my neck and shoulders, gasping in spite of myself as his hand moved up and down the shaft of my dick. His thumb rubbed against the head of my cock as he grinned into the shell of my ear, whispering measured, hot words to me... words that for the life of me I could not - nor would not ever be able to decipher.

I threw my head back - my mouth frozen in an open position as his lips graced my neck and jaw with their presence over and over again, and the present of his lips kept coming as his hand worked around my arousal. I thrust my hips up into his warm, confident hand and heard myself gasp his name over and over as he kissed my lips... my nose... my cheeks... my neck. My arm tightened around his broad shoulders, grabbing desperately at the shirt on his back – crumpling the fabric into a ball of wrinkles underneath the fierce grip of my fist.

My breath caught in my throat and I shuttered as he stroked me, running his fingers up and down my length, teasing the swollen flesh at the tip with his thumb. He began to stroke his fingers along the slit, spreading the already apparent moisture around – bringing me higher into levels of ecstasy that I didn't think had the audacity to exist. His lips found mine again as I contorted with pleasure, writhing underneath his hard, muscled body. I gasped into his mouth once before letting my head fall to the side, my slacked jaw letting out moans and grunts as I wasn't capable of making any other noises – nor moving in any other way than thrusting against his hand.

I think I screamed out his name when I came in a stringy, white mess over my tanned abdomen, and he kept his hand on me until my body had relaxed under his touch. I released the hold I had on his shirt as my eyes slid shut. My breath was coming in quick bouts, my body covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"Sirius... oh God... Sirius..." I panted still, feeling his warmth penetrate into my skin and wind its way around my body and mind, stopping any coherent thoughts I may have dared to think.

He simply smiled against my neck and looked up at me. I turned my head to face him. His eyes seemed to glow with warmth from the fire as I looked at him. I lift my free hand and placed it to his cheek, smiling slightly before leaning in to kiss him.

These last tender and completely breathtaking kisses were the last we were to share. For the next morning – he remembered nothing of what had happened the night before.

He hadn't remembered kissing me, touching me; he hadn't remembered the soft words that came out of my mouth, completely full of truth – telling him that I loved him.

He hadn't remembered saying them back... and meaning it.


	2. His Regrets :: Sirius Black's POV

Disclaimer: The characters, setting, blah - belong to the respecitve author: J.K.Rowling. All I own is the words I've written.

Warnings: This is a slash story between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, of Harry Potter. If you do not like male/male relationships, click on out of here. -smiles- Otherwise, please! Read and reveiw the story.

Other Interesting Bits: This is just a story with 2 chapters, sort of a way to blow off a bit of steam, you know? This was also inspired by the song 'Strange and Beautiful, by Aqualung'. Anyway, there won't be any followup's after this chapter, so don't bother to ask. -smiles-

**Chapter 1: Written from Sirius Black's POV.**

* * *

Morning came, I cracked my eyes open and my nose filled with the most wonderfully comforting smell – him. I could always smell him in the mornings... he smelt like morning dew and cinnamon – but for some reason this morning it was stronger than usual. I actually smiled, squinting as I looked around the room, wondering where I was and why my head felt as if it was being torn in two. And as I yawned, I tried to turn – and I found out why his smell was so pungent. He was in my bed... in my arms... draped over me – holding me tight to his own body. Did I smile because I knew Remus was in my arms? Did I smile because some part of me preferred to have his body pressed to mine instead of Francis's?

"M-Moony?"

He stirred slightly and smiled in his sleep.

I started to panic. Why was he in my bed? Why was my arm around his shoulders? God Damnit why won't this smile leave my lips!? "Moony.... Moony wake up..."

He grumbled and opened his eyes, smiling once more before closing his eyes and kissing my shirtless chest. "Good Morning."

Finally, that smile that I became afraid of had instantly left my lips. "Why are you in my bed?"

"...What?" He snapped his eyes open; this was obviously not the reaction he was looking for.

I sat up and unwrapped my arm from around his slight frame, making a face as I did so. "Why are you in my bed? Could you not sleep? Did you have a nightmare or something...?"

"...What?"

"Jesus can you not hear in the mo-" I turned to look at him, increasingly annoyed at his repeated question and the brightness of the room. My voice failed me when I saw the look on his face. He was looking at me with those large amber eyes; eyes that threatened to overspill with tears. I lift my hand and rubbed it over my face, turning once more to look away from him. "Fuck..."

"D-Do you not remember..."

"I don't remember anything but drinking too much firewhiskey and waking up with you in my bed." I turned to look at him, my head pounding as I did so. "Why are you in my bed?"

"W-We..." The tears that had threatened to fall from those eyes had already fallen, and were being replaced by new ones, new heavier streams of tears as every second passed.

"We what?" I felt my heart begin to race as I stared at him, and I had the oddest urge... I had the urge to kiss away his tears. Remus shouldn't cry... especially when something tells me it was my fault.

"You told me that you loved me..."

I turned and sat infront of him. "Remus I do love you," his face brightened – and that's when I made the mistake of finishing my thought, at least... I think it was a mistake... "just the same as I love James, and Peter."

His mouth fell from that smile to the frown I would see on his face for days to come.

"That's not the way I love you..." He looked down and more tears fell from his eyes, soaking into the comforter that covered my mattress. I watched as his face contorted with pain, and as he laughed at himself. "I... I have to go."

I reached out and took his hand, and a memory flashed past my eyes – sudden and bright... burning its image into my mind. I saw myself holding his cheek, leaning in for a kiss, and... of all things... doing it again – and again. As this memory kept replaying in my mind, I sat and looked straight at the window, still holding his hand. That was when I snapped out of the trance he had put me under and I looked up at him. My breath caught in my throat as I stared into his eyes... my heart began to pound at an irregular pace as I let go of that hand – that warm and graceful hand - and I nearly cried myself when I covered my face with my own hands. I ran my hands through my hair and when I looked up again, he was gone. My eyes desperately searched the room for him, but instead of getting up to look for him, I lent over... and threw up.

For the rest of the week I avoided him. I made up elaborate excuses as to why I couldn't work on the map, and lied when my excuses were found out. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I couldn't allow myself to relive that night. But every time my eyes would stray to him, to flow over the curve of his body, or get caught in the waves of his hair, even when they followed the path of those fingers across the pages of his text – my heart would remind me I was alive and thump hard against my chest. He wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't talk to me, and he would leave when I entered the room.

I hated myself for being the cause of his pain. I hated myself for being too afraid to come to the full moon that month.

That evening, weeks after I had ruined my friendship with him - an affectionate feminine voice ran out through the candle lit halls. "Sirius! Oh Sirius!"

I turned and was greeted with Francis. Beautiful, soft, gentle Francis. I smiled for the first time in a week. "Hello, Fran."

She took my hand in hers and lent in to kiss me. Her lips were everything she was, and more... yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, I found myself wishing the lips didn't belong to her. "How are you darling? You've been a bit off this week..."

"I'm just fine... don't worry about me." I lent forward and kissed her cheek, and behind her – he was standing there. His head tilted slightly to the side, his lower lip quivering slightly before he swallowed. My eyes followed him as he began to walk past, my lips hitched up into a smile. "Hello, Remus."

He looked at me once before turning his head again to look at the marble floor. For the first time I noticed how the life had left his eyes, and just how aged he looked. He didn't look 17; but looked to be a man of 27 in contrast to his young age.

I took a deep breath and looked back to Francis. "I have to go okay?" I wasn't prepared for my voice to be as soft as it was, nor was I prepared to be as close to tears as I was.

"Sirius... are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Francis." I never called her by her full name, and in that small mistake – I revealed just how upset I really felt. I took a deep breath and forced myself to smile. "I just have to go, okay?"

"Sweetie you're worrying me..." She looked into my eyes and I felt her concern.

I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better of it. So instead, I looked down, back up at her, and swallowed the forming lump in my throat. Leaning forward, I kissed her gently. "I'll see you later, okay?"

She was about to speak back to me, but closed her mouth. Her large, soulful chocolate eyes searched mine, and when she found that I wasn't going to say anything more, she managed to return my last word in response. "Okay..."

I smiled once more and left her side, breaking into a jog as I went to the Gryffindor common room. Inside sat James and Peter.

The breath had escaped my lungs as I spoke to him. "James... James where's Remus?"

"He said he was going to the Quidditch pitch..." James sighed as he looked over at Lily. He then looked back up at me, furrowing his eyebrows. "Just what the hell did you do to him anyway?"

"What... What do you mean?"

"He's been awfully depressed for two and a half weeks... it's got something to do with you, I know it. Because he's been treating - even looking at you differently than before."

"I didn't..." I stopped myself, knowing that I couldn't lie to James any longer. "Alright, I did do something to him, that's where you're right..." I ran an impatient hand through my hair. "And I need to go find him and make it better again."

James looked at me for a minute longer, searching my eyes – trying to figure out if I was lying or actually being truthful for the first time in days. "Then go to the Quidditch pitch." He then sat back in the chair he was resting in, and looked back down to his book.

I took a deep breath and made my way to the castle exit which led to the Quidditch pitch, nearly running the whole way there. I knocked into people of all types on the way out – Slytherin's, Professors; I think I even jumped over Miss. Norris at one point – and I didn't even have the time to laugh when Filch screamed for his precious cat's mercy. I finally made it to the pitch, completely out of breath – watching as puffs of white air formed infront of me – floating towards the cloudless sky. I looked around the ground searching for him, looking everywhere for him. I was about to give up when from the corner of my eye; I saw puffs of white air rise from one of the Gryffindor stands. A smile, a real smile broke out on my face as I ran towards the stand, and I took each step by two, making my way towards him.

I stood at the entrance to the stand and watched as he lay on his back, looking at the sky – watching as the pale moon rose into the sky, watching as the stars twinkled, almost as if they were winking at all those beneath them. I looked up and noticed how it looked as if the stars were laughing and joking with eachother as they watched us. Taking a deep breath and summoning all the courage I had, I walked towards him.

"...Remus..."

I watched as his breath caught in his body, and his eyes closed. He sat up and looked at me, not bothering to wipe his eyes. His voice was small and timid as he spoke to me. "What?"

I took a step towards him feeling as if I needed to touch him and calm his breaking heart. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He turned and looked towards the other side of the stands, watching as the flags on the Slytherin towers billowed with the night breeze.

"Yes I do..." I stepped forward again, coming to a stop just an arms length away from him. "The pain you feel, your tears... everything. It's all because of me, and I'm sorry for that."

He actually laughed. "It was nothing but a schoolboy crush." I could tell that it was a lie... as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them again – only to be focused again at the opposing tower.

I stepped forward again, feeling as if my heart was going to burst from my chest, feeling as if I needed to be curled around his body to be happy, feeling as if his smile would be the only thing to keep my own heart from breaking into a thousand pieces – scattering themselves to the wind. "If it was just a schoolboy crush... then why are you crying? And why does it feel as if your heart is breaking in two when I'm standing beside you?" I wasn't prepared for my voice to break and I wasn't prepared to feel tears burn my eyes.

Remus didn't answer. The only sign of him actually hearing me was the small fact that he looked down into his lap.

"Remus... I'm so sorry..." I sat down beside him. "I'm so sorry for hurting you, for making you feel like death would be a better choice than to sit here and not have you by my side."

His breath quickened and he furrowed his eyebrows as he turned to look at me. "...What?"

"I can't stand being away from you Remus... I can't stand having you mad at me." I felt tears fall down my cheeks as I stared at him, using all the inner strength I had not to reach out and touch his cheek, to feel his skin against mine. I felt my eyebrows draw together as the tears forced themselves out of my body. "I'm so sorry..." My breath hitched in my throat as I looked away from him and closed my eyes.

"Sirius..."

"God I... I was happy when I woke up next to you – for the first time in years, I was actually happy to wake up next to someone and not feel sick, or guilty about what happened the night before – even if I didn't remember it. And I didn't know why you were there, and for a minute... I didn't care." The tears came in strong waves, and I laughed when I spoke next. "And all that mattered was the fact that you were there beside me, and that it smelt of morning dew and cinnamon." I turned to him and saw that new tears had fallen down his cheeks, so I reached forward – placing my hands to either side of his cheeks. "Remus... God help me I still can't remember everything that happened that night. But... I know that I do remember," I swallowed hard before speaking again, and my heart felt as if it had grown to fill my whole chest. "telling you that I loved you... and that I meant it when I said it."

Instead of kissing me as I thought he would, Remus placed his hands to mine, and took them away from his face, resting them in his lap. He didn't let go of my hands; instead, he squeezed them and looked into my eyes as he spoke. "Please don't lie to me, because I don't think I'd be able to handle it if you are." He sniffed and smiled slightly as he spoke.

"I'm not lying to you Remus. I love you... and I would never lie about that." I felt myself begin to panic as he stared at me. I couldn't read the emotions on his face, as I once was able to. It seemed as if he put up a wall against me.

He ran his thumb over my knuckles as he looked down, and brought my hand up to his lips, kissing my fingers gently. He then held my hand under his chin and smiled. "Padfoot..."

"Sirius..."

Remus shook his head and laid his cheek against my fingers. "Padfoot." He kissed my fingers again and managed a smile through his tears as he placed my hands back into my own lap. "Strange and beautiful Padfoot, you'll always be my first kiss, and you'll always be in my heart..."

"No, no, no... Remus..." I placed my hands to his shoulders and held them tight. "Remus, I'm Sirius... I'm your Sirius. I want to be your first and last kiss, and I want to currently be in your heart... I don't want to be a memory to you."

He looked down and smiled kindly. "I wanted so badly for you to love me the way I loved you, Sirius. For years that's all I wanted." He looked up at me, the same smile still on his lips. "And now that I actually have the chance to have that wish come true... and I'm so scared of loosing it."

"You won't loose it, God I promise you that you won't ever loose it..."

"Sirius..." He placed one of his hands to my cheek, one of his graceful, warm hands brushed past my skin and through my hair. He pulled my head to his, resting our foreheads together. "You keep forgetting that I know you as well as I know myself. You would love me and leave me, just like all the other's that you've been with."

"No... no I wouldn't do that to you. I love you..."

"You loved Janessa, just as you loved Bernadette. You told us you'd never leave them..." Remus let Sirius sit back, still smiling that sweet, kind smile he reserved only for me. "And now you're with Francis."

"Remus..." I let my hands fall from his shoulders and to his lap.

"I don't want to be another tick on your bedpost, I don't want to be one of your conquests... What I want, you can't give me."

"What do you want? Remus... Remus what do you want?" I felt more tears fall down my cheeks, and he wiped each one of them away.

"I want to be with you for as long as it takes for my life to end. I want you to love me like there is no other, I want you to seek happiness in only me, and find it." He wiped away more of my tears. "I want you to be happy... and I'm not what makes you happy. I'm not the person for you to love for the rest of your life. I'm the person you love right now."

"...Remus..."

He lent forward and kissed me gently, resting his lips on my own for a long while, brushing his lips against mine only momentarily once more before leaning back. He smiled at me as he placed his hand to my cheek again, letting it fall from my cheek to my neck before he spoke. "Moony." He lent forward and kissed my forehead, and I felt my tears start to dry up. "I love you, Sirius. I'll always love you. But you can't love me, you're not supposed to love me."

"If I'm not supposed to love you, then why did I come here? Why do I feel like my world is meaningless if you're not in it?"

"I don't know," He let his hand fall from my neck and to my hands. "But I do know that I will always be in your life. I'll always be here."

"But I want you to be with me...not just beside me as a friend."

"Sirius, my choice is final." He squeezed my hands in his and stood up, letting my hands fall from his. "I can't let myself bask in the glory of your love if it's not going to last. I wouldn't be able to handle it if you ever..." He paused in his speech, crossing his arms. "if you ever left me."

"Are you doing this because I hurt you?"

He shook his head. "No."

I stood up and took his face in my hands. "Then let me show you my love, let me prove it to you that I won't ever leave you."

"How can I know that's not a lie?"

"Because you have to trust me, Remus... you have to trust me to find out."

He took in a quiet breath and looked into my eyes. "I want to..."

"Then do it... you can't live life and never take any chances, Remus." I let my hands fall from his cheeks to his neck, leaving my thumbs to touch his jaw.

I felt him swallow as he looked at me, and I felt his pulse quicken. I could feel it as he thought over my offer, as he considered letting me into his life, considered breaking down the wall that stood between us.

All of my doubts were shattered when he smiled and lent forward, wrapping his arms around my body, and laid his lips to mine, kissed me. Telling me that the answer to my question... was yes.

And as he fell into my arms, putting his complete trust into me, he allowed me to love him... and he allowed himself to love me in return.

* * *

The title/description of the fic is mostly words all Copywrited to the band Aqualung. And, so you can understand why I picked that song, here's the lyrics. I suggest you download the song - it's completely beautiful!!

_Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung_

_I've been watching your world from afar,  
I've been trying to be where you are,  
And I've been secretly falling apart,  
I'll see.  
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,  
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,  
You turn every head but you don't see me.  
  
I'll put a spell on you,  
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.  
And when I wake you,  
I'll be the first thing you see,  
And you'll realise that you love me.  
  
Yeah...  
Yeah...  
  
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,  
Sometimes, the frist thing you want never comes,  
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,  
Sometimes...  
  
I'll put a spell on you,  
You'll fall asleep,  
I'll put a spell on you,  
And when I wake you,  
I'll be the first thing you see,  
And you'll realise that you love me.  
  
I'll put a spell on you,  
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,  
And when I wake you,  
I'll be the first thing you see,  
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...  
  
yeah...  
yeah...  
yeah...  
yeah... _

END! Please Read and Reveiw!! -smiles- And to my regular readers of WOTM (if you read this...), let me know what you think of the change of writing - THANK-YOU!


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